You keep asking me what I am.
Don't you know I'm Presbyterian?
Presbyterian?
That's the worst thing a jazz singer can be.
Presbyterians are called God's frozen people.
Wouldn't swing if you hung them.
#Just a closer walk with Thee #
# De de de boom boom #
# Grant it, Jesus, if you please #
# Boom de boom boom boom #
# Daily walkin' close with Thee #
# Let it be, dear Lord #
# Let it be #
# I am weak, but Thou art strong #
#Jesus, keep us from all wrong #
# I'll be satisfied as long #
#As I walk #
# Let me walk close to Thee #
#Just a closer walk with Thee #
# Say, grant it, Jesus, if you please #
# Daily walkin' close with Thee #
# Let it be, dear Lord #
# Let it be #
# Say, I am weak, but Thou art strong #
#Jesus, keep us from all wrong #
# I'll be satisfied as long #
#As I walk, dear Lord, close to Thee #
# Boo boo doo boo doo doo #
#... A closer walk with Thee #
# Buh do doobie #
# Grant it, Jesus, if you please #
# Doobie #
# Buh doobie do #
# Daily walkin' close with Thee #
# Let it be #
# Dear Lord #
# Doobie doobie doobie doobie #
# Let it be #
# Ba doo la do da da #
# Boo doo doo doo dee aaah ##
Ha ha!
Whoo!
Oh, yeah!
Hey, guys, is this the Venice Beach courts?
You haven't put anything in the offering plate.
Oh! Sorry, man.
50 be all right?
I'm just kidding.
Here you go.
I told you he's generous.
Is this where Eddie "The King" Faroo
and Duck Johnson played?
King and Duck were the best.
That's 'cause you never saw me.
Keep singing, guys.
My old man was a preacher.
I love this shit.
He put a dollar in.
We give him a dollar's worth.
# Oooh, ooh, ooh #
# Oooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh #
# Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh #
# Ooh, ooh #
# Ooh, ooh, ooh #
# Ooh, ooh, ooh ##
All right!
Don't worry about it.
Pass it to the little man.
Let the little man get the ball.
Take it to the hole, man!
Let's go!
Get... get... get up!
Look at that. It's all right.
Walter, throw that big fat butt at me.
I'm getting tired of making you look bad.
It's hard work.
I'm fittin' to dog you, punk.
I'm fitting to dog you.
Let me shut him up. Give me the ball!
If you shoot it,
I'll knock it out the fucking sky.
Can't take it to the hole
because you ain't good enough.
You think so?
Get some of this.
Ball!
You can't even dribble!
Bring it! Bring it!
Get that shit out of here!
Ooh! Ooh!
Oh! Unh!
That shit went out like a Scud missile!
Oh, it hurts! It hurts so bad!
Hey, babies, I don't mean to brag,
but I'm the greatest!
I am the greatest!
You all right, man?
Yeah.
Well, get your butt up.
Take your Colt-45 drinkin' ass off someplace.
Aahh!
Yes, Walter! Yes! Yes! Yes!
Hard goddamn work, making you look so bad.
Man, you fouled me!
Foul?
Just take the ball out and shut up.
What's the count?
9-8, us.
Get the fuck out of here!
Junior, if you could count,
you'd be a fucking astronaut.
George, your mother's an astronaut.
He talked about your mama, man.
He playing you for a punk.
I wouldn't take it, man.
My mother ain't no astronaut.
Say it! Say it!
Your mother ain't no astronaut,
your father ain't no astronaut.
Well, my mama ain't no astronaut.
Jump his ass, man.
Me saying that your mother's an astronaut
is just another way of saying
that you're all fucked-up.
Well, let's just get off mamas,
'cause I just got off yours.
Ow!
Keep my mama out of this, brother.
She's out.
Cool.
She's out.
Cool!
She's out.
What time you want me to bring the bitch back?
Yo! What's the score?
9-8, us.
We can't lose to you!
If we lose to you, I'm gonna kill myself.
Fuck you, skinny boy!
Fuck this, you potato-sandwich-eatin' motherfucker!
Fuck this!
Shut up!
You're giving me Excedrin number fuckin' trillion headache!
Hey, man, what's the score?
Chump! I'm talking to you.
What, you deaf?
I'm talking to the fucking air.
My name ain't chump. It's Billy Hoyle.
Billy Hoyle?
Billy Hoyle.
OK, Billy,
can you count to 10, Billy?
Yeah.
Good.
What's the score, Billy?
I don't know.
Then you're a chump.
I may be a chump, but it's not my name.
He put your ass in!
Fuck you.
Let's go!
8-8, your ball.
9-8, your ball.
I don't want no excuses.
I called it even.
You better call a doctor!
It's your ball!
Sidney!
Your woman calling you, man.
Sidney!
Your woman calling you, man.
At least I got one.
I seen your mother kicking a can down the street.
I said, "What you doin'?" She said, "Movin'."
Your mama's so old,
she drove chariots to school.
Your mama's so fat,
she broke her leg and gravy poured out.
Hey, baby.
Hi, honey.
The check for the groceries didn't clear,
and I didn't have any cash.
Sorry. 20 will do?
Mm-hmm, but 30 would be better.
You hustling me?
You're the only one that gets away with that.
I got things working over here.
Yo, man, I got to go.
Daddy's got to go back to work, man.
Bye.
I told your mama to act her age,
and the bitch dropped dead.
Your mother got a leather wig with gray sideburns.
Save your breath, man.
You need all the energy you can get.
Let's go.
I can't run, man.
What?
My bunions hurt.
Get somebody to step in for me.
That's all right. You're still my hero.
That's it, baby.
Can anybody stand in for Mr. Handicap here,
for Mr. Motherfucking March of Dimes?
Hey, look. Take Billy Ho here.
No, man. I don't want him.
He might be good.
I don't want to go with it. No.
Why not?
'Cause I'm white.
No difference.
You could bring Bernard King in.
We hittin' two, and we out.
Swish! Swish! Let's go, Billy Ho!
Ha ha ha!
Let's go!
Ain't no need for none of that
Jane Fonda geriatric bullshit.
Just act like you can play.
Two quick ones,
bam, bam... it's over.
See ya! Wouldn't want to be ya!
You got a new teammate.
Kiss your game goodbye!
Maybe I should do that shit, too.
You loose?
Come on out here, baby.
I got it!
Get out of here!
Billy, I'm gonna tell you what...
Where you at, Billy?
I'm gonna tell you which way I'm going.
Aahh!
Where are you going with that?
I got you. I'm right here.
This is my court!
Oh!
Yo! Look out! Look out!
- Whoo! - Yay, Billy!
Yes, baby!
Luck.
Pure luck.
I believe the score is 9-8, ours.
Take it out.
Ball in.
OK, chump.
The sun even shines on a dog's ass some days.
Anybody can win the lottery. Know what I'm saying?
Give it up. Give it up.
You want it back now?
Whoa!
Yeah, get out of the way, sucker!
Right on, man!
It's over now, baby.
Fuck you. Your mother's an astronaut.
My mother's too drunk to be an astronaut.
You remind me of one of them dudes from The Brady Bunch.
He looks like the girl... Cindy.
Yeah! That's the one!
#The youngest one in curls ##
Why you laughing, man?
Callin' me Brady Bunch and shit!
This motherfucker's too stupid
to even realize he's being insulted.
Sidney, get off the court. You lost, brother.
You might pull a couple of passes out your ass,
but that don't mean you know how to play this game.
Oh, hey, you're right, Sidney.
I mean, you ain't seen me shoot.
What's it worth to you to find out?
What do we got?
50, 55,
$62.
I do detect the smell of cash.
I'm gonna find out how good you are, chump.
Chump?
I just have to figure out how
I'm going to pull the ball out your ass
when I take your money.
That is his money. That's his money.
20, 40, 41...
You're short.
Big Junior.
Come here, man. Loan me a 20.
Do I look like Bank of America?
You think I'm gonna lose this money
to this white boy here?
You better not lose my money.
Give me my motherfucking $20.
We're gonna eat at Sizzler?
Damn right! Surf and turf.
And that is his money.
Let's go, baby. Best out of five... top of the key.
Since you're the foreigner,
you can go first.
Oh, no, thank you. You go ahead, man.
No, no. See, this is my house.
This is Sidney Deane's house.
I extend my hospitality to you.
That is very gracious, Sidney Deane,
but I won't take advantage of you in your house.
OK, but you might not get another shot.
All right, if you insist.
That's what I thought.
This is outdoor ball.
It's different than your country club shit.
When you shoot, you adjust for the wind.
Out at the beach,
the wind can push the ball 6 to 8 inches.
You wouldn't know about that.
Ha ha ha!
What, you want me to move?
I'm sorry.
It's your shot. Go ahead.
I got to tell you, this isn't my spot.
I'll be lucky to hit 2 out of 5.
I'm going to shoot it anyway.
Use 'em and abuse 'em.
- Whoo! - Whoo!
Oh, man! Right off the bat.
I am feeling lucky.
Yes, indeed, he wants to get paid.
Show him how to put it in there.
- Whoo! - Ooh! Ooh!
Ooh, it's pretty, it's so pretty.
Ha ha ha!
#We goin' Sizzler, we goin' Sizzler... #
Ah!
#We goin' Sizzler ##
I never hit two in a row.
Ooh!
I'm very lucky.
Yep, feelin' very lucky.
Ugly shot, ugly shot...
Look like a goddamn brick.
No aesthetic beauty whatsoever.
Now, mine, on the contrary...
- Whoo! - Yeah!
Bbb bbb bbb!
It hurts being this good!
"A thing of beauty is a joy forever... "
My man John Keats said that.
I never hit three in a row.
I'll tell you that.
I can look at you.
- Oh! - Oh!
Oh!
Color me lucky.
Sometimes you wake up, the birds are singing, and...
That's a decent shot. Excellent.
You are the greatest, Sidney.
Thank you.
But I'm feeling lucky.
Oh!
Four in a row...
This is like the luck of the Irish,
only I'm not Irish.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Come on, now.
I got this under control.
Hey, you know something?
Michael Jordan came here one time.
Took him to the hole, baby.
Air Michael Jordan!
I saw the whole thing.
Michael said, "You should play summer pro league. "
I said, "No... "
Hell, no!
"Shit might mess up my game. "
We can't have it, Billy Ho.
Shoot it. We'll go to Sizzler.
- Whoo! - Whoo!
I'll just leave it up there.
Give me some, give me some.
Oh! Oh, shit.
Ho ho ho ho ho!
It's hard goddamn work being this good.
Shut the fuck up.
Rabbit ears, am I starting to get to you?
You're just making my eardrums hurt.
The thing is, you guys look at me,
you see the backwards hat,
and you say, "This guy's a chump. "
A fucking geek.
What you don't realize is that it ain't easy.
It is "hard goddamn work"
making something this pretty
look like a chump.
I must be doing it for a reason.
You got me convinced.
I miss this shot,
I walk away, still a chump.
Go ahead and walk away, you...
You miss, and you've been beat...
well, not once but twice,
by a slow, white, geeky chump.
Ha ha ha ha ha.
Ain't no thing. Ain't no thing.
No thing but a chicken wing on a string.
From Burger King.
I noticed that wind was kicking up a bit.
You might want to adjust about...
6, 8 inches to the left.
This is the big one.
Don't worry, Sidney, I've hustled
a hell of a lot better players than you before.
Don't put up no brick.
Stop yapping, and let brother shoot.
Yeah, I got it.
It's in the wrist.
Ha ha.
Oh, sweet.
Shit!
Brick.
Hey, man, give me my money!
It's a money thing, brother.
There's a man with integrity.
Don't push your luck.
Nothing to do with luck.
You said we was going to Sizzler!
Shut your anorexic, tapeworm-having,
overdosed Dick Gregory Bahamian-diet-drinking ass up!
Leave me alone.
# Oww! I feel good #
# I knew that I would, now #
# Oww, I feel good #
# I knew that I would, now #
# So good, so good #
# I got you #
# Oww! I feel nice #
# Like sugar and spice #
# I feel nice #
# Like sugar and spice #
# So nice, so nice #
# 'Cause I got you ##
Honey...
I'm home.
How much money did you make today?
I missed you, too.
Oh, I'm sorry, honey.
$62, minus $5.16 for hummus, tabouli,
garden burger, all that stuff you love...
pita bread.
I told you, I don't eat that health food shit.
You'll eat it and love it.
OK, since you got me money.
Let's see, that makes...
58.84, which gives us $806 towards the 8,000.
We still owe the Stucci brothers $7,194.
We don't give them a dime.
They're holding you up.
How often do we have to go through this?
There are certain things
that just are the way they are.
Nothing will get rid of the Stucci brothers except $7,000.
What's the deal with this?
Come on, lookit.
I've been studying disasters all day,
and assassinations.
Come on, come on, try me.
All right.
Ahh. Leon Czolgosz...
Who killed President McKinley?
You're unbelievable.
I know it. I know it.
Jeopardy! Will call today.
Don't count on it, and you won't be disappointed.
The last words of Lee Harvey Oswald...
"It wasn't me, it was the C. I... uuh!"
Get it? The...
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I got it, I got it.
Honey, honey.
How much do you love me?
I love you infinity.
That's not enough.
Infinity's the biggest number there is.
It's not.
What's bigger?
Infinity plus two.
I love you infinity plus two.
Billy, you're so stupid!
You should have said infinity plus infinity.
I love you
Infinity plus infinity.
There's a bigger number than that.
I give up.
You haven't kissed me yet.
No! Take a shower. You stink.
Go ahead! You stink!
All right.
Wait right there. Don't move.
Hold that thought.
I'll come back and put my mouth where this money is.
Ha ha ha!
Billy!
Somebody's at the door.
Billy!
Billy, somebody's at the door.
Someone's at the door! Come on!
Stay calm. Stay calm.
Hurry up! Hurry up!
Honey, I love you, but I ain't gettin' shot over your debt.
Our debt.
Whoever's fucking debt, I ain't gettin' shot!
Count to 30, and jump out the window.
Meet me on Pico.
Honey, I love you.
I love you, too.
Who is it?
It's the manager.
What do you want?
I got a message.
Brady Bunch!
1,010... 1,011...
1,012... 1,013...
Did somebody invite you in?
Yo, I just want to talk.
1,029... 30.
How'd you find me?
No one has ever worked me like you did.
I beat your ass fair and square.
Don't cry about it.
I'm not here to cry about it.
I'm here on business.
30 seconds. I almost took off.
Sorry.
Who's this?
Sidney Deane.
So?
Your boyfriend took some money...
I happened to notice this bottle...
Take that, I'll shoot your ass.
What's up? Baby, you need to chill.
Excuse me?
Holy cow.
You comfortable?
A futon is actually better for your back.
So, Billy, where'd you play?
Some college in Louisiana.
Things didn't work out.
You been hustling ever since, huh?
Nobody knows me here. I'll work the courts.
I have a business proposal.
It could mean more cash
than this chump change.
What is it?
There's a two-on-two tournament next week,
sponsored by businesses.
You want me to run with you?
Yep. In the meantime, we could make some change,
if you don't mind hustling.
What kind of hustle?
Heh heh.
Ball up.
You ain't got shit.
You ain't funny. I'll kill you.
You got me by what,
7,000 pounds, man?
Watch the pick.
Look up, look up!
Goddamn!
Way to go!
Mmm, mmm, mmm.
I tell you,
it's hard work making you look bad.
Who the fuck told you to talk, motherfucker?
You score on me, talk.
Shut me down, you can talk.
Eat shit, shut up.
You took me. Why?
I let you take me to the hole.
I take you anywhere, have you for breakfast.
Put up some jack.
Who rattled your cage, dickhead?
You talkin' a whole lot of yang.
I'll pick any player here,
even the worst player here,
for $500.
Excuse me?
Scu... scu... scuse me?
I'll let you pick my teammate.
Motherfucker ain't serious, man.
I don't believe this shit, man.
Anybody. Anybody you want.
$500, baby, and you can pick anybody out here.
Anybody. Anybody.
I don't believe this.
Yo, Raymond, look at the chump, man.
Give him the chump.
No, no, no.
Hell, no. No, no.
You give me a brother.
You got him,
the goofy-looking guy.
Me?
Yeah, you.
I'm fucked.
Hey, chump,
you want to run?
You mean play basketball?
No. We mean ice hockey.
Get your tired butt up here, Gretzky.
Where's your money?
I'll get it.
I got my $500. Where's yours?
I said I'll get it.
I'm going to the glove compartment.
Go, and bring your Sasquatch butt on back here.
I got a hot hand.
I got your back, Raymond.
What's this?
What the hell is this world coming to?
Look at this. I ain't got nothing to worry about,
except Cathy Rigby over here.
Yo, man, where is his car, man?
Is he ever going to come on back?
Hey, give me your money!
Raymond, that you?
No. This ain't Raymond.
Take off that mask and put down that gun.
Shit.
What you trying to do?
I got me some chumps on the line.
Loan me some money.
Get the fuck out.
All right.
Look, man, you need a gun.
There are some crazy motherfuckers
walking around this neighborhood,
a lot crazier than me.
Give me $300 for it.
200.
Come on, man. 275.
250.
All right.
Now you robbing me.
#Jump for it... #
You got busted right there, man.
You think you can win with him?
Here we go. Here we go.
I got $250, man. Come on.
I said 500, no-count motherfucker.
250, take it or leave it.
He just got out of jail.
He ain't goin' nowhere with the money.
Let's do this.
I'll dog you.
I can make you look bad.
Your mouth got you in trouble.
If I was you, I'd stab myself in the heart.
Come on. Yeah, get up.
Move right.
Come on, come on.
#That man is a chump... #
Sucker.
- Yeah! - Yeah! Whoo!
Oh, lovely, lovely.
What did you say your name is?
Billy Ho.
Nice to meet you.
Do it.
Let's go.
# Don't take no mess, now, baby #
#You got to jump for it #
# If you really want to be over #
#Jump to understand this thing called living #
# Oh, yeah #
# Life's about jumping up, baby #
# Not taking the ball... #
You're slow on your feet, man.
Weight slows me down.
# Oh, yeah, well... #
Come on.
Uh-huh, uh-huh.
Tim Hardaway, my ass.
Get over there!
Shoot! Shoot!
Stay on him!
# Everybody really wants to get a taste #
#The moment don't stop, so pick up the pace #
#What you see is what you get #
#You know I never step #
#And if you think it's over now #
#You ain't seen nothin' yet #
# In this dog-eat-dog world #
#You know I'm out to get mine... ##
Man, he traveled!
Shit!
Point game.
Point game...
That means one more point, we win this.
I understand.
You going to teach class or play?
I'm taking you right to the clinic.
Class is in session again.
Check.
Check this.
Too stupid to catch it.
Yeah?
Look out, look out!
I'll make you eat that.
Here we go, baby.
You better stay off, baby.
Where you at?
Where you at, sucker?
Shit!
Aha!
Give me my money!
What you doin'?
Hard goddamn work!
Aw, come here, baby.
You played a good game.
These motherfuckers set us up.
Hey, man!
Hard goddamn work!
Raymond! Raymond!
Motherfucker!
Raymond!
You ain't gonna cut me.
You set me up!
Look, look, look! Raymond!
I seen you hustle!
I never used no goofy white motherfucker.
Who you calling goofy white motherfucker?
You!
That's cool. That's cool.
Wait a minute! This is ridiculous, man!
Look, Raymond, we are brothers, man.
I've never seen this white boy before in my life.
Sidney, you're negotiating with a guy with a blade?
You got a wife and kid!
You know my name?
He's talking about your family.
What?
Wait a minute!
You talking about my wife and kid
and don't know me?
Raymond, cut this motherfucker.
Yo, say what?
Cut that motherfucker right there.
No, no. Fuck this.
Both you motherfuckers are crazy.
I'm going to my car...
get my other gun,
shoot everybody's ass.
I'm outta here.
Raymond! Raymond!
Raymond!
Aw, shit, man!
Y'all better haul ass!
Raymond!
Shit. Come on!
Come on! Come on!
Go! Go! Go!
Whoo hoo! Hoo!
Ooh! Took Raymond to the hole, baby!
Boo yaa!
Whoo!
You know, nobody's done that around here since...
the King and Duck Johnson.
King and Duck!
King and the Duck!
Hey...
what is this?
Jimi Hendrix.
I know. Why are you playing Jimi?
Because I like to listen to him.
That's the problem. Y'all listen.
What am I supposed to do, eat it?
No. You're supposed to hear it.
I said I like to listen to him.
There's a difference between hearing and listening.
White people can't hear Jimi. You listen.
What are you talking about? His drummer was white.
Ah ho ho ho!
Get out! Jimi Hendrix' drummer was not white.
Yes, he did. Check it out.
See?
This is a picture!
Whole band is white except for Jimi!
This is a picture!
Airbrushed! Jimi didn't have a white rhythm section.
You cannot hear Jimi!
All right. Fine.
All right. Thank you.
Check this out.
#He said I'll love you #
# Till I die... #
Who is this?
The greatest troubadour of all time
is who it is.
Troubadour? Sounds like a dog.
That's a labrador, man.
Don't insult this music.
Take this out.
You're listening, not hearing it.
I don't want to listen or hear this.
This is pollution to my ears.
Explain to this Gladys Knight and the Pimps...
It's Gladys Knight and the Pips!
Put Jimi back in. I don't like this.
You're supposed to defend me.
Who you yelling at?
Get rid of that gum!
I'm tired of hearing it pop!
#He still loved her through it all #
Tell this bubblehead to go right here.
Guy could get shot
playing this shit south of the Coliseum.
Let me off at the Trump Towers.
Penthouse is in the back.
#Kept some letters by his bed... ##
Vista View.
The flyest view in the jungle.
Home sweet home.
You know it, baby.
That was a good run today.
Good run.
Some of that money you made,
you could take this car to the car wash.
This is one classic automobile.
You got a fine woman.
Keep your hands off her.
I said she was fine.
I didn't say I was going to touch her.
Touch her, I'll kick your ass.
You hear me?
Ho ho. Ho ho ho!
Looky, looky, looky.
It's all starting to come clear, isn't it?
Good.
You're a cool customer on the court,
real chill out on the street,
can't be rattled in your game.
You don't even fall for that nigger shit.
But when it comes to your woman,
that's a different matter altogether.
Look at you.
I ain't talked trash or pushed up on the sister,
and you already thinking about it.
Shut the fuck up.
But this is good.
This is really good shit to know.
I know your weakness.
You like all the white boys I ever met.
You're like every brother I ever saw.
You'd rather look good and lose than look bad and win.
You don't know shit about me.
I know plenty about you, Sidney.
How many dinners this chain set your family back?
Just go home, get some rest.
OK, Brady Bunch?
I ain't tired.
Bye, Gloria.
Oh, goodbye.
It was nice seeing you again.
Oh, same here.
I like these rings. They kind of fly.
Thank you!
Take care.
Yo, Billy, tomorrow we goin' to 103rd street.
We goin' to hustle out there. That's Watts.
Tough games out there. Big bucks.
Mm-hmm.
Don't take it personally, baby.
We teammates.
Ebony and ivory.
Ha ha ha!
Hey, I got your partner.
Oh, right. Fuck me.
Better get your ass across La Brea before sundown.
No problem.
The guy's full of shit.
Here.
# Well, I say love #
# Whoa, love #
Would somebody explain to me
why this Negro is singing cowboy music?
You know this is my favorite song.
It makes me think about making love to you.
It makes me want to lock you in a room
and make love to you over and over
and over and over.
I didn't say I didn't like it.
Yeah?
This can't be safe.
You know, I believe in safe sex, honey.
#For you to hurt me... #
I want to take a shower.
Honey, no! No!
No, honey! Stop!
# I want you to know #
#That I was blind, but now I see #
# I say, I once was blind, but now I see #
#Well, you know, I once #
#Was blind #
# But now I see #
#That that old love has made a fool of me ##
Honey?
My mouth is dry.
Honey, I'm thirsty.
Umm...
There you go, honey.
When I said I was thirsty,
it doesn't mean I want a glass of water.
It doesn't?
You're missing the whole point
of me saying I'm thirsty.
If I have a problem, you're not supposed to solve it.
Men always make the mistake of thinking
they can solve a woman's problem.
It makes them feel omnipotent.
Omnipotent?
Did you have a bad dream?
It's a way of controlling a woman.
Bringing them a glass of water?
Yes.
I read it in a magazine.
See, if I'm thirsty,
I don't want a glass of water.
I want you to sympathize.
I want you to say,
"Gloria, I, too, know what it feels like to be thirsty.
I, too, have had a dry mouth. "
I want you to connect with me
through sharing and understanding
the concept of dry mouthedness.
This is all in the same magazine?
You're into control.
Shut up.
See?
You make me sick.
Don't give me the rollover.
When I say I'm thirsty,
it means if anybody has a glass of water,
I'd love a sip.
When I say I want to make love,
it means, let's screw.
Exactly the kind of thing I thought you'd say!
I don't like the word "screw," OK?
I prefer "make love" or "fuck. "
Screwing is for carpenters.
Oh, you're going to get it.
Oh, honey.
Ohh!
Where you going?
Anywhere...
to get the hell away from you.
Psycho, chiquita nut case.
Oh, come back! I want to make love!
Honey, come back! I want to screw!
Ah. Forget you, then.
Piece of shit.
Asshole.
#Whoo #
# Come on... #
Look! There he is.
Honey!
The Stuccis!
The Stuccis?
Oh!
Honey, hurry!
How did they find us?
The money!
All right! All right!
I got the money! I got the money!
OK, OK.
# If you wanna try the front door #
#That's a door I've never seen #
Go, honey! Come on!
I'm coming, honey!
Go! Come on! Go! Go! Go!
Slow up! Slow up!
Wait for me! Wait for me!
How come you're moving so slow?
I'm carrying everything.
You want me to carry you, too?
Oh, shit!
Come on!
Come on, honey!
We'd shoot you, Billy,
But first we want the money!
We've got your number now, Billy.
# Get in my limo, baby #
# Gonna take you for a ride #
#And I tell you I'm a rich man #
#Then you tell me that I lie ##
Hurry up!
Go! Go! Go!
# Blueberry #
#Tonga Sherry #
# Evie Ivy over #
# Mama's in the kitchen cookin' rock #
# Daddy's outside shooting duck #
# Baby in the cradle fast asleep #
#And here comes sister with the hlt... #
This is a great house,
great house.
But the number's a little steep right now.
Sidney, we got to talk.
Excuse me.
#Jack be quick #
#Jack jump over the candlestick ##
Baby, I want this house.
Baby, I know. I want the house, too,
but it's expensive.
They want first, last, damages.
I'll get a job.
No, no, baby. I got lots of jobs...
the cable thing, the roof thing, the paint thing.
Construction is a little slow,
but basketball is putting food on the table.
Basketball isn't a real job.
I got to go.
I'm working on this new shot.
I'm sure it's a gorgeous shot,
but I still want this house.
OK?
OK.
OK?
# 213 #
# Gotta give 'em what they need #
#Area code #
# 213 #
# Oh, yeah #
#Area code ##
Pass the ball!
Foul! Foul!
No! All ball! No foul!
No. Your hand is part of the ball.
The wrist is a part of the hand.
Knee bone's connected to the dick bone.
You fouled Robert.
You didn't see the play!
You couldn't carry my jockstrap in a suitcase.
I thought this was Watts.
Thought you had some ballplayers here.
This ain't jack shit!
I'm tired of looking at you.
Your mother threw you out at an early age.
Talking about your mama.
Nobody talks about my mother.
Don't ever talk about my mama.
Me and any guy here will take you.
How much you want to roll?
Oh, my God!
Oh! What is this?
Oh! Look at this! It's $1,000!
There could be more. Hold on.
Hold on a second.
Did you rob a 7-Eleven?
11, 12, 13.
Is there some more?
14, 15, honey.
Your rent money?
16!
Ooh!
It's coming from everywhere.
17! $1,700, baby.
We get to pick your partner.
Pick any of these stiffs here.
Anybody. $1,700.
Don't talk about my mother.
How about right here?
No, no, no, no.
I want that guy.
The white boy getting off the train?
That scraggly-looking one.
Ha ha ha ha!
No, no, no, no. Fuck that.
Wait a minute.
I got 800. Just cashed my rent check.
I got 50 bucks.
Come up with 1,700, or take a walk.
Play us for what we got.
Play a tune on your bald head.
Hold on.
Sweetheart, how you doing?
What's up?
You look so good.
What's up, baby?
I need the diamond.
I told you he was no good.
You gave me this for christmas.
I'll give you two.
We'll go to Zales after this.
Do you listen to me? No.
He's a dog! D-O-G!
This ain't no diamond! This is a zircon!
I'll tell you what.
This shit here is worth 300 bills, right?
I'll put my 1,700 against your 1,150.
That's a bet!
I'll hold the money.
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Wait! Wait! Wait!
I'll hold it. I ain't going nowhere.
He ain't going nowhere. The bakery ain't open yet.
We play to 10 by 1 s. You make it, you take it.
Hey! Hey! Hey! Martha Graham!
Martha Graham, can you play?
# Can you come out and play? #
# Do you think you can play? #
# Can you come out and play? #
# Do you think you can play? #
I got it!
Call out the screen!
Nice pick, man.
Damn! Switch, man!
Switch, my ass!
OK. Right here.
Do it here!
I got it!
# Can you come out and play? #
# Do you think you can play? #
Whoo! Yes!
Yes!
Go back to Sea World, motherfucker.
You let him back door you like that?
I thought he was going to pass the ball.
"D" up, man.
You don't know what "D" is.
No, shit, Curly.
You fucking Globetrotter. Come on.
Come on! Come on!
Come on, man!
# Can you come out and play? #
# Hey, hey #
# Do you think you can play? #
# Can you come out and play? #
Were you going to shoot?
He was on my ass.
You were wide-open.
$1,700 is on the line.
I'm not forcing the shot.
# Do you think you can play? #
# Can you come out and play? ##
Yes, baby!
Why are you kicking out to me?
Take the shot.
I'm sorry, man.
You OK?
Yeah.
9-8, us, point game! Check the ball.
One more bucket, me and Zeke split $1,700.
No.
You tried to hustle. Still wasn't good enough.
Are we going to chitchat or play?
Get the fuck out!
Take me to the hole, then.
Let's go!
I practice on people like you.
Practice playing this game.
Ball! Ball! Ball! Ball!
I'm going to take your money, then your girl.
Take your old girl.
You're holding me!
I ain't holding you!
That's all you're doing.
Hey! Get this jump!
Oh!
Yes!
Both of y'all go back to Sea World!
1,700! 1,700!
Hey!
Goddamn!
Give me my money.
It was so nice just to hold it.
I am dead. I am dead.
Oh, man. I'm sorry, man.
I thought I had it.
I'm dog meat. She'll dump me now.
I feel terrible. I had a lousy game.
Shit! We're better than those guys!
I've beat guys 10 times better than that!
I know. It's my fault.
It's nobody's fault.
Sometimes the ball doesn't go down.
Look, man. You want a ride?
I'm taking the rail.
I got to figure out how I'm going to tell Gloria
I lost everything we had again,
then figure out where I'm going to sleep tonight.
Hey, Billy, I'm sorry, man.
I mean that! I'm sorry!
39 is the answer.
What is the question?
How many books are in the Old Testament?
I am so fuckin' good.
Did Jeopardy! Call yet?
Not yet, but I'll need a nice dress.
When they call, you got to be ready.
You want to hear the books
of the Old Testament backwards?
It's Malachi, Zechariah, Haggai...
Honey, please.
I did famous women
and foods that start with "Q."
You couldn't imagine how many foods there are
that actually start with "Q."
Honey, will you please shut up?
What's wrong with you?
I lost the money.
Oh, Jesus, Billy!
Not again!
How much?
A lot of it.
Most of it.
Roughly... all of it.
Billy, you lost all our fuckin' money?
Shit, Billy!
Jesus, man!
$1,700!
Billy!
We were on our way to 8,000!
Were your opponents that good?
I beat better guys in Jersey.
You weren't hitting your jump shots?
I was hitting mine.
What about Sidney?
He had an off day.
He wasn't shooting much.
This guy scored on him.
He wasn't D-ing up.
He usually plays good "D."
You got hustled.
I did not get hustled.
You got set up. You got hustled by Sidney!
No. He's a good guy.
You said he's full of shit!
And he's a good guy!
You're full of shit.
And fuck that shit!
I'm going back to that house
and getting my money back.
No, no, no, honey.
A man cannot ask for his money back.
He lives in the jungle, right?
No, honey, we can't.
They don't let white people
in the Crenshaw District.
I don't know about Puerto Ricans,
but it's a reverse discrimination thing.
We dropped off Sidney on the corner of Crenshaw and Washington.
Honey, you don't understand.
Men understand how these things work.
Wasn't there an apartment house there?
Let me explain.
Men's rules are very simple.
If you win, you win. If you lose, you lose.
You don't ask for the money back.
Why not?
It's not part of the rules.
Yeah? I got a different set of rules.
Want to hear them?
Sometimes when you win, you really lose.
Sometimes when you lose, you really win.
Sometimes when you win or lose, you actually tie.
Sometimes when you tie, you actually win or lose.
I hate it when you talk like that.
It makes me crazy when you talk like that.
Winning and losing is one big organic globule
from which one extracts what one needs.
I'm fucked.
Forget it. I ain't... no, no.
I'm not getting off this bus.
No, stop!
Can we discuss it?
Can we have a discussion here?
Yes?
Does Sidney Deane live here?
He does.
He's my husband.
Yeah, well, your husband stole $1,700
from my boyfriend.
Really?
Just a minute.
Sidney?
Yeah, baby?
Some people out here say you stole their money.
Oh, shit.
No, baby. I didn't steal his money.
I hustled his money.
Yo! Cindy Brady!
That girl is fine!
Cindy Brady, what happened?